It was the day
before Lunar New Year, the day for a family dinner, a reunion for one big happy family. We had two additions to the family this year; it was
strange but warm having six at the dining table. There was laughter and food
and drinks and smiles, a sight for my swollen eyes. Just two weeks
ago and you might have been sitting at this table with us; strange how in just
two weeks, our lives might have been different.
I overheard my
mother talking about one of the dishes: Braised pork with sea cucumbers. The
sweetness of the herbs and meat in the brown sauce always reminded her of my
grandfather, for this was the one and only dish he would cook in the year. He is never too far from her mind, gone from her touch but never from her heart.
It was times like this that we miss him.
It was at times like
these I wished we did not have to visit my grandmother. Old, dark house with
old, dark memories, dark and tainted relations with my blood and those through
law. Respect your elders, respect the tradition, bite your tongue and greet
politely, hands out, money kept, smile and wave then back out slowly to the
safety of your mind and phone. Each and every year, except for when my
grandfather passed on, now each and every year darker and heavier with his
absence; the irony of death and the heaviness of absence.
We went on to
play a game of mah-jong, whispered shouts of close calls, near-wins, feng shui
and collaborations. Hush, the baby is sleeping. Mute the tv, mute our voices,
for the baby must dream and our game is secondary. Hush, my parents want to
sleep, too many bad tiles, too much money lost, no more excitement and no more
thrill. The company brought but a fleeting explosion of ecstasy, fading with drooping eyelids and light wallets. To bed they dragged their feet, while
I dragged my heart back into solitude and four walls and the cold night sky
winking as Orion flashed his studded belt. To new beginnings and great fortunes
for this chicken, wishing to fluff out her feathers one day and become as
respected as a rooster in this cock…a-doodle-doo dominated world.
